 a long silence between your words - autumn deepens |
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green color code #767c6b "color of mountain doves"
山鳩色 (やまばといろ)
The trees, the flowers, the plants grow in silence.
The stars, the sun, the moon move in silence.
Silence gives us a new perspective.
Mother Teresa
autumn sunshine -
the sound of this shadow
on the wall
the sound of these
leaves on the temple wall -
autumn solitude
Thanks to Mother Teresa!
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A friend asked:
why not drop 'these' from L1 and move 'leaves" into it's place?
Well, here is my answer:
the sound of leaves
on the temple wall -
autumn solitude
the sound of these
leaves on the temple wall -
autumn solitude
Maybe you feel the difference yourself?
The sound of leaves, the sound of water ... quite a well used phrase in haiku ...
:o) ... maybe overused ...
Since it was not the sound of leaves (or rather maybe branches with leaves, for that matter) hitting the wall, but as is shown in the photo,
it was the sound of shadows, I want the reader to pause
these ... what ? simply leaves? only shadows? anything else ?
these leaves ... I can hear these leaves rustle in the wind, as the tree stands if front of the wall
leaves on the temple wall ... now they are only shadows, not the sound ...
So I choose the version I did.
HH
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. . . Read my Haiku Archives 2009
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