10/23/2009

shadows and silence

  
  





11 shadows of a tree






a long silence
between your words -
autumn deepens







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green color code #767c6b "color of mountain doves"
山鳩色 (やまばといろ)




The trees, the flowers, the plants grow in silence.
The stars, the sun, the moon move in silence.
Silence gives us a new perspective.


Mother Teresa



autumn sunshine -
the sound of this shadow
on the wall


the sound of these
leaves on the temple wall -
autumn solitude




11 shadows of a tree


Thanks to Mother Teresa!


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A friend asked:
why not drop 'these' from L1 and move 'leaves" into it's place?

Well, here is my answer:

the sound of leaves
on the temple wall -
autumn solitude


the sound of these
leaves on the temple wall -
autumn solitude


Maybe you feel the difference yourself?

The sound of leaves, the sound of water ... quite a well used phrase in haiku ...
:o) ... maybe overused ...

Since it was not the sound of leaves (or rather maybe branches with leaves, for that matter) hitting the wall, but as is shown in the photo,
it was the sound of shadows, I want the reader to pause
these ... what ? simply leaves? only shadows? anything else ?

these leaves ... I can hear these leaves rustle in the wind, as the tree stands if front of the wall

leaves on the temple wall ... now they are only shadows, not the sound ...


So I choose the version I did.
HH


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. . . Read my Haiku Archives 2009


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15 comments:

benbarba said...

ultimate sabi haiku

...but where is the lone wanderer? Among happy friends or waiting for a letter by the window?

Anonymous said...

"this is beautiful...image and words"

Marjorie Buettner
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Facebook said...

great haiku, gabi!!
Pamela A. Babusci
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Anonymous said...

Roh Mih commented :

"one of the best I've read. :-)"

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anonymous said...

Two lovely haiku on silence, Gabi. Personally, I love the absence of most sounds.
S.

Anonymous said...

I love this, Gabi. Beautiful.
J.

Anonymous said...

a long silence
between your words -
autumn deepens

Absolutely beautiful Gabi
J.

Anonymous said...

I really like the mood in this and the layers here Gabi. It is fine as it is ..
A.

Anonymous said...

A beautiful observation re autumn.
Another wonderful moment.
akebono

Anonymous said...

Gabi,
Both are Zen-beautiful.
heian

anonymous said...

very beautiful, Gabi
P.

anonymous hh said...

I like this a lot:

autumn sunshine -
the sound of this shadow
on the wall

KE

anonymous said...

the sound of these
leaves on the temple wall -
autumn solitude

Remarkable, Gabi.

I love the pause between 'these' and 'leaves'.

The haiku works so well with the image. Normally I like a greater difference between graphic and text, but here the photograph establishes so beautifully that we are listening to the sound of shadows.
J.

anonymous hh said...

Oh, yes, shadows can have sounds. Thanks for sharing these, Gabi.
LP

anonymous hh said...

Shadows are mystical symbols, and as such can do all sorts of things.
Memories can have sounds too.
K.

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