 a long silence between your words - autumn deepens |
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green color code #767c6b "color of mountain doves"
山鳩色 (やまばといろ)
The trees, the flowers, the plants grow in silence.
The stars, the sun, the moon move in silence.
Silence gives us a new perspective.
Mother Teresa
autumn sunshine -
the sound of this shadow
on the wall
the sound of these
leaves on the temple wall -
autumn solitude
Thanks to Mother Teresa!
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A friend asked:
why not drop 'these' from L1 and move 'leaves" into it's place?
Well, here is my answer:
the sound of leaves
on the temple wall -
autumn solitude
the sound of these
leaves on the temple wall -
autumn solitude
Maybe you feel the difference yourself?
The sound of leaves, the sound of water ... quite a well used phrase in haiku ...
:o) ... maybe overused ...
Since it was not the sound of leaves (or rather maybe branches with leaves, for that matter) hitting the wall, but as is shown in the photo,
it was the sound of shadows, I want the reader to pause
these ... what ? simply leaves? only shadows? anything else ?
these leaves ... I can hear these leaves rustle in the wind, as the tree stands if front of the wall
leaves on the temple wall ... now they are only shadows, not the sound ...
So I choose the version I did.
HH
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15 comments:
ultimate sabi haiku
...but where is the lone wanderer? Among happy friends or waiting for a letter by the window?
"this is beautiful...image and words"
Marjorie Buettner
Facebook
great haiku, gabi!!
Pamela A. Babusci
Facebook
Roh Mih commented :
"one of the best I've read. :-)"
Facebook
Two lovely haiku on silence, Gabi. Personally, I love the absence of most sounds.
S.
I love this, Gabi. Beautiful.
J.
a long silence
between your words -
autumn deepens
Absolutely beautiful Gabi
J.
I really like the mood in this and the layers here Gabi. It is fine as it is ..
A.
A beautiful observation re autumn.
Another wonderful moment.
akebono
Gabi,
Both are Zen-beautiful.
heian
very beautiful, Gabi
P.
I like this a lot:
autumn sunshine -
the sound of this shadow
on the wall
KE
the sound of these
leaves on the temple wall -
autumn solitude
Remarkable, Gabi.
I love the pause between 'these' and 'leaves'.
The haiku works so well with the image. Normally I like a greater difference between graphic and text, but here the photograph establishes so beautifully that we are listening to the sound of shadows.
J.
Oh, yes, shadows can have sounds. Thanks for sharing these, Gabi.
LP
Shadows are mystical symbols, and as such can do all sorts of things.
Memories can have sounds too.
K.
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