beach park -
these grains of sand look
really different
浜遊び 変わるがわるは 砂の粒
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........................... original version
beach walk -
each grain of sand
looks different
You are of course right in remarking that we can not watch the sand closely whilst walking ... in Japanese, I use "hama asobi", playing at the beach, enjoying the beach, a kigo for summer.
Well, it was a leisure walk, not an exercise one, whilst I was taking lots of photos, bending down, on my knees most of the time. Closely watching the different kinds of grains, different colors and marvelling at the shapes. Their reflection of ths sunshine let them look like little diamonds at times.
Lunch taken whilst sitting in the sand showed us more of these miniature marvels, sticking to the fingers and food too ....
I would need a much better macro lens to capture these individual grains. Maybe next time.
.......................................
Of course the plain statement is just a cliche, since we all know that snowflakes and grains of sand are different.
We KNOW in our educated minds ... but how many of us grown-ups have really leisurely bent down to the sand, looked at it for a while and then experienced the difference of the sand grains really personally ?
It is nothing spectacular indeed, just another wheel invented again and again, if the inner child is out there to marvel at things.
.................... A friend remarked this :
.. your first line; it doesn't add much to the poem. if you were to come up with another first line to contrast or compare with the thoughts of lines 2 & 3 ...
Dear friend,
my first line includes the kigo and I do not want to change that. I am not a friend of forced juxtapositions, that do not fit the experience when the haiku was conceived. I do not like to add some kind of first line for the sake of special effects.
I do like the ordinary in haiku, after all, my daily life is quite ordinary, grin ...
By the way, today, after a long period of rain, maybe I paraphrase this (with a BIG smile)
rainy season -
these drops of rain look
really similar
Last night I watched a tea master explaining a bit of his WAY. While the visitor sits there in the small room of two tatami mats (not much bigger that a large cupboard), he holds his hands in his lap so that the thumbs touch lightly and tries to relax. In good time he will quieten down his heart and become aware of the small things around him, the simmering water cattle, the pattern of the tatami mats, the breath of his fellow tea friends ... and somehow the smallness of the room can transform to a large universe in his heart and mind ...
Once the judgemental mind is quiet, you can experience the whole universe in a small tea room ...
just one cup of tea
served the right way
enfolding universes
© PHOTO geo design japan
The Haiku Discussion
HH Members Only
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scots translation:
daunerin the links -
ilka dottle o saun
leuks unalik
John McDonald
..............................
Gabi, once I wrote:
each grain // thinks it is the sandcastle // the tide rises.
But now, while I'm inspecting each 'contrary' grain, I'll remember your good lines.
_Magyar
..............................
Romanian translation:
plimbare pe plaja
fiecare graunte de nisip
arata altfel
Vasile Moldovan
WHW comments
Thank you all so much for your efforts !
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My Beach Flowers
..... and each HAIKU looks different
. . . . . . . . . . . . . Try this to imporve your concentration:
Observing snow falling
yuki no metsuki 雪の目つき
Tea Ceremony Saijiki 茶道の歳時記
Read my Haiku Archives 2007
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natsuyama ya yoku kumo kakari yoku haruru
summer mountains -
sometimes in the clouds
sometimes in sunshine
Takahama Kyoshi 高浜 虚子
This is a haiku of extreme objectivity. There is a sense of spaciousness in it. I also like the fact that the observation takes place over a summer-long period of time. I like haiku that include a sense of time passing, if for no other reason than to confound those who cling to the notion that a haiku should only be about an "a-ha 'moment'."
Larry Bole
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/translatinghaiku/message/1847
.. .. .. .. ..
a Malayalam translation
venal malakal -
palappozhum meghangalil
palappozhum soorya-prakaashathil
and a Sanskrit translation
greeshma parvathaani-
bahu-vaare megheshu
bahu-vaare soorya-prakaashe
Narayanan Raghunathan, India
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