 remembering you - the sparkle of this last icicle  this icicle - there is no shortcut to enlightenment |
| holding out in the winter sky - last cherry leaf  |
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Prayer Flags
This leaf reminds me that things happen in nature without our "willing" it.
When it is time, it will fall, no sooner, no later.
It is my teacher on the path of life and death.
. Prayer Flags and Haiku
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Comments from some friends at HH
Nice one, and great image... Do you need 'the', just asking....
Maybe:
holding out
in winter sky
one cherry leaf
or
holding out
in winter sky -
last cherry leaf
Do you think winter will "leaf" it a lone?
GABI answers
as for "in winter sky" or "in the winter sky", my English is not good enough to decide which is better grammar-wise. But for my musical ear in haiku, I prefer the longer version, it reads more smooth to me.
... as for "last" or "one", they are different in meaning to me, and this was the LAST on the tree, so I hang on to shasei.
I let you know when this last one will be gone, it is on my daily walk up to the postbox
Friend D.
holding out
in the winter sky -
last cherry leaf
It reads great to me.... I agree, "last" is a really key word here.
Nice write.
Friend J.
oh, no... here I come to say I prefer line three to include 'the' simply to maintain
a read-aloud rhythm. Gabi, in all its forms, it is a soothing haiku. Simple and lovely.
holding out
in the winter sky -
the last cherry leaf
only an opinion,
Friend L.
Most of the attention has focused on that last line, but I'm going to offer a slightly different possibility for line 2--'against' in place of 'in'. As I see from your photo, the leaf is part of the twig's silhouette and you can say that it's silhouetted against the sky. Also, there's a usage of 'holding out against' something--in this case, once the leaf lets go, it is the winter sky that will replace it. To my ear, an extra beat in line 2 also removes the rhythmic need for 'the' in line 3.
holding out
against the winter sky -
last cherry leaf
... I think the haiku is a delight in any form of your chosing.
last cherry leaf
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. . . Read my Haiku Archives 2008
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 大雪や仏の光背光おり ooyuki ya hotoke no koohai hikari ori so much snow ! the halo of Buddha is sunshine    snow on the persimmons  |
 Datemaki ya the New Year starts on the stage  |
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