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6/29/2008

almost missed

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looking for fireflies ...
I almost miss
the dramatic night sky



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A friend suggested to leave out the"dramatic" .

I am rather fond of adjectives lately ... grin...

this was not just any dark night sky, it was one with thunderclouds racing in many layers of gray like spotlights and would make a haiku in itself to discribe it.
I want to make sure, using the adjective, that it was a very special night sky and I did not realize it in the beginning because I was focussed looking below in my valley for the fireflies. Only when I looked up I saw what I was missing there ...


looking for fireflies ...
I almost miss
the night sky

that gives me a much more quiet evening which I experience most often, but not the drama of the other night.

Maybe another adjective would work ?
Then he suggested:


looking for fireflies
I almost miss
the thunderclouds


thanks so much for your help, B.


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. . . Read my Haiku Archives 2008


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9 comments:

  1. Anonymous01 July, 2008

    Ah! But Gabi, a firefly's world is a microcosmos by itself. I can imagine where all those fairy stories came from.
    :>) E.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous01 July, 2008

    Gabi, I think this would work without "dramatic."
    B.B>

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous01 July, 2008

    wish u the best of next half year which i wish should be better and better than previous half year
    nksh, India

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous01 July, 2008

    How interesting, Gabi. I had no idea! Your haiku has a lot more meaning for me as a result of your prose.
    S.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous01 July, 2008

    Do I see a haibun in the making? Very interesting. Is there a purification ceremony, too?
    neko

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous01 July, 2008

    Hi Gabi
    thank you for teaching me about your culture. This haiku brought a smile from the smile of your healthy husband.
    B.S>

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous01 July, 2008

    A lovely ku, Gabi. Thanks for enlightening us about the ceremony.
    ME

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous01 July, 2008

    Gabi san, very impressive ku, and I learned something new too.
    M.A.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous01 July, 2008

    Gabi, I really like the idea of this custom... and your haiku is delightful!
    L.C.

    ReplyDelete