too much work ...
this feather hangs
in a spider web
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A spider sewed at night
Without a light
Upon an arc of white.
Check this gem found on the way ...
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. Feather, feathers .
WASHOKU ... MY WORK
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6 comments:
There is no doubt about Dickinson, is there. She certainly anticipated much of what haiku writers attempt to do. (And, of course, she did so many other things.)
too much work ...
this feather hangs
in a spider web
I very much like the image in lines two and three. I'm not sure about L1.
If the intention is to imply exhaustion (and I'm not sure it is, more like anticipated exhaustion), what about
afternoon heat
this feather hangs
in a spider web
Please ignore this if it does not help.
J.M.
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L1 makes me wonder if the feather has 'too much work' and that doesn't make sense. And I'd prefer 'a' in L2.
Poor spider. Either spin another web or take a lot of detours!!!
S.
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Nice one, Gabi!
I thought perhaps you were dusting the house (with a feather duster) -- and lost a feather to a spider!
L.
That's exactly what i thought, L.!
i like the simple drawing of the web and feather in your link. I also feel the haiku benefits by the centering in the link version.
I love anything about webs so thanks for sharing this lovely one. I so enjoyed.
D.
This works fine with me.
F.G.
your haiku remindw me of the webs that are a constant in my house even after I have done a web run. This is lovely .
BA.
Here I try to talk about myself in line 1
and then take this self over for the image in lines 2 and 3, using THIS
it is not just A feather, it is THIS special one which reminds me of myself
And now back to work ...
GABI
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Oh, now I probably see, Gabi.
You seem to be caught in the "web of work" in a similar way as this feather is caught in the spider's web.
Thanks a lot for your kind explanation.
Let's hope that some unexpected autumn gust of wind will free the feather from the spider's web to fly at least for a while...
Warm greetings.
RV
Yes, it is me caught in the web of work until May next year.
GABI
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